Zombie Rhyme Time

I love the English language. Yeah, it pisses me off sometimes, or maybe it’s just the way people abuse it, unaware that “there” “their” and “they’re” don’t mean the same thing and aren’t interchangeable. But I digress. I love the way we can play with English. Word games, riddles, rhymes, and puns. (My story “The Human Jean Gnome Project” is basically one long pun. You can find it in my e-book, “Gnomes and Aliens” on Kindle.) Really, is there a language sillier than English?

In that vein, and because I’ve had little time to ponder this week’s blog posting while I work on curing my chronic zombiefying migraines, I composed a couple of zombie rhymes for you:

As you cower in fear

of the undead far and near

Holed up in the local mall

armed with just a bowling ball

While tvs play old game shows

would it shock you all to know

that the gruesome zombie

only wishes to shop at Abercrombie.



Should the zombies catch you in Europe

surrounded by blubbering tourists

Just remember this old refrain

the brains in Spain lay mainly in the drain.

Words about Herbs (and Elderly Felines and Zombie Aliens)

ImageIt’s been a week (three treatments) since I turned to acupuncture as a means of defeating my chronic migraines. I can’t say it’s been a miracle cure, but I do feel more alert today with more energy and enthusiasm for the tasks of daily life. Certainly this could just be one of my good days (I have a few of those in any given month), but I’m not giving up because I’ve heard from friends, co-workers, even the veterinarian, to not expect fast results. Acupuncture tends to work quickest for recent and/or acute injuries (like whiplash from a car accident). For chronic, long-term conditions, it can take many treatments before results are realized.

So I will keep trying to balance my qi. (My acupuncturist tells me I’m very out of balance. Hmmm. I think many of my friends have long known that I’m off-kilter, eh?) To that end, he’s introduced me to traditional Chinese herbs.  I can’t tell you which herbs are in this mixture – I had a migraine when he told me what they were and don’t remember – but they do make a tasty tea. A warm, tasty tea for cold rainy winter days like today.

So this drizzly morning found me with a cup of steaming herb tea in my hands as I watched over my elderly Siamese cat to see if she would have a reaction to her first chemotherapy treatment (she has Intestinal Lymphoma) and reflected upon the two of us, both suffering our own pains. She can’t voice hers, but I can tell those moments when she’s not happy. However, today turned out to be a good day for her too.  After giving me the stink eye for sticking a pill down her throat, she curled up in her favorite laundry basket and went back to sleep. Image

I would usually be doing the same thing. No, not sleeping in the laundry basket. But rather, popping my own meds and curling up to go back to sleep, wasting away my weekend. Today, I ignored the familiar pain and pressure of someone drilling a hole in my skull and pressing their big fat thumb into the right side of my brain, and instead popped a favorite movie into the DVD player, Alien (the 1979 original).

Despite having seen Alien innumerable times, I caught a line I’d not heard before (or maybe just never paid attention to). Toward the beginning of the film, after the egg alien has deposited its egg inside Kane (John Hurt) and fallen off and died, Ash (Ian Holm) is examining it. While the others are still wary about the creature, Ash says something like “I doubt it’s a zombie.” (I can’t recall the exact line.) And for the first time in a long while I felt a little spark of creativity. I found myself imagining the Alien aliens as zombie aliens. As if they aren’t already hard to kill! Now you have to kill them again!

Too bad I don’t have rights to those characters. I could’ve run with that idea.